How can this be?

This advent season has suddenly locked into a synchronicity with this season in my soul, when the light seems to be returning after a long dark winter.

Well, perhaps I am month or so ahead of schedule from that epiphany, which is typical of the birthing process for me! Premature babies, arriving unexpectedly, before it is time. And so this time is not one of waiting expectantly through the coming dark, but of bursts of light here and now.

And yet, still there is this mary in me, with her utterance of ‘how can this be?’, this mary in me filled with wonder, this mary in me pondering and wondering, this mary in me that is both virgin and pregnant at once — some pure space within where the Divine has been growing hidden from my awareness. How could I have not known how large She had grown all this time within that darkness?

And yet, this feels qualitatively different than the last time Mary came to me. Then, I was so broken and in need of her healing Love, in need of those restorative words of my Belovedness, in need of that feeling of being cherished and desired. Today, the wonder that I am experiencing, along with my ‘yes’ to participating in, with, and for that Wonder, is not at all for me and my sake. It is not a singling out as chosen one, but as one of many, a communion of beings being called to give birth to Love.

This evening, my belly is full of Wonder, this is true, but it is the wonder at the continual impregnation and birthing that is taking place throughout infinite time and space, and deep within this particular moment, within me and you and All that is.

Joy! indeed. How can I keep from singing?

This ponderment is about How I, small as I am, might give to this Other, not at all about what I might receive, for it has already been given. This is a yearning for it to BE SO. (May it be so, She said), a longing for the LIght and Love of the Universe to burst forth, to break out from the darkness for this suffering world, to and for those who cannot see it, feel it, know it, trust it, hope it, for this stirring awake of Belovedness and Wonder to quicken within the womb of this world, in the bellies of the borken and the hurting, in the bellies of the hardened and the lost, in the bellies of those who cling to power for love, and those who find themselves powerless alike.

And I am filled with the Wonder and Possibility of that (isnt’ that a perfect descriptor for the Holy One– Wonder and Possibility!) Here and now there is Hope. Hope for Something Bigger, more Powerful, more Knowing, more Loving, more Wise than our human foibles and follies.

Something Wonderous at the Heart of It All… at the Heart of Us all.

And I am filled with wonder at the Possiblity and the Hope in that. You, who produce a spark within a vacuum, and impregnate life within a void. There is Hope

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