beloved otherness

This morning’s prayer was filled with return, as i drifted often to thoughts of loved ones, of the coming holy-days, of the trivial, until I, of course, re-membered that each of these are also expression of You.

Somehow the word, “You”, is filling my breath, as if filling the universe, the earth, my soul, with You, in some cosmic remembrance that You are imbued within All that Is. But more than that, this morning, by breath is filled with how You desire all to know, to remember, Who they Are- that is You- to know You within themselves, to realize the Love within that is waiting to be born, to blossom, to unfold, to fill, to bless, to expand.

Yes, Belovedness has returned to me, in such an ironic twist, just as I’d relinquished it, with my confessional expression/acceptance that ‘communion with All’ had replaced this experience of deep intimacy–of being known as Beloved and Lover. Is that how it works then, this act of letting go, surrendering Ego’s need to be special opens the heart into Being Love?

This is not at all the simplistic ‘God loves me’ of the maiden me, nor the egoic ‘this is Emma, my Beloved, in whom i am well-pleased” of the virgin me ( a ‘Being to being’ seeing and proclaiming). The separation/wall has been dismantled, the subject/object split, which allowed me to see and to be seen as other — as Lover or Beloved. (Perhaps that is what the surrender was then– the taking down, of the wall. Oh, it doesn’t at all matter if I name it. Analysis is not what is needed any longer, if it ever was!)

No, this Love feels more personal than even that. The Loving Gaze is present but not outside of myself. The yearning is present, but it is not my yearning to be seen and loved, but instead a yearning for Me to see, and yes, dare I say a delight in my ‘Yes’ to that. Longing is also present, but again it is not for myself, rather it is for ALL to remember, to be so filled, to be healed, to Know, a Longing that comes from something both Outside and Deep Within. And there is the longing to be Known, not for self to be known, but for the Other to be known by the other, as One.

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