Summer of becoming – to change or not to change, there is really no question

This afternoon, overlooking the rain-and-windswept lake while cocooned in the safe harbor that has been this lodge, my mind swirls with the currents back around to thoughts of transformation… of becoming. As I ponder how it is that this blowing rain, being slurped up so thirstily by the earth, is made of the same substance as that charcoal water, which is being whipped into whitecaps even as it flows full and deep in the lake, I marvel at the vast myriad of ways this essence of life is expressed. And  realize that I too am made of that substance. Like the water, I am both ancient and new, the elements and essences that make up my body have also been here in one form or another for ages.

 

Why do you bring me such comfort my friend?  Why is it that dipping my paddle into your silken depths brings me such peace?  Or sitting here with your agitation, stirs something quiet in me awake?  What exactly is it that I draw forth to drink of so deeply from you?   Oh yes, there is your pervasive constancy… so visible, palpable, and easily discernable, especially today in this blanket of heavy clouds, in those perpetual waves of the lake, and these streams that pour from the roof and drench the land. You are always present, always beckoning, always reminding and remembering me.  Yet, even moreso than the serenity in your stillness, the life-giving energy of your turbulence, and the persistence of your presence, it is your unspoken mystery – your unknowable depths, your unfathomable past, and impenetrable future- that strangely soothes me. Where have you been? Where are you going? What form will you embody next?

 

The longing in me to follow you remains , to follow your mists as you rise and you roll from the lake and into that distanct notch, drawn from the coolness of night into the warmth of the beckoning sun., to follow your flowing rivers around the next bend, and into the unseeable, on the way to becoming who- knows-what next?

 

I wonder why I am here, next to this lake in this north country, on this paradoxically quiet afternoon. Though the wind rushing through the trees at times fills this entire space with the quickening sounds of a womb, my heart/mind is tranquil somehow.  Is this place a womb for me, then, a place I have come to be born? How am I being formed into something new? And how will my life look different when I emerge from this time and this space?

 

I am being changed in this time and place.  I am being picked up by the warmth of this sun, separated out from this particular body of water that I have inhabited for so very long,  transported by these unseen-but-felt currents.  Will the Love-that-I-am be condensed in some place around the bend where I might pour myself out? Though I cannot conceive it all, I trust it, sensing only this-something-shifting in me, and, in this moment, I feel comforted alone by the mystery of that… my own unknowable becoming just a small measure of wonder in life’s unknowable depths.

 

 

Ps. This was written yesterday, before the window rattling night that blustered its way into dawn, a morning without electricity until now. As I walked this morning, along the path through the woods, gathering along the way some early changing leaves, I was enchanted by the ones with green, yellow, and red on the same leaf… and so it was that the title of this blogpost came to me.

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