charting a course?

This morning, I read an article about the native americans of chaco canyon, how they were masters of charting a direct course from here to there. Over mountains and across deserts, it mattered not. The article spoke of charting our own courses in such a manner as this, moving assuredly in the direction of our most valued ideals.

In choosing my totems for 2012, I was led to select the goose. I named it initially because I wanted to claim something of her fierce tenderness with her young, her nest-clearing energy. There is also, of course, something of her homing instinct that stirs in me deeply. In reading something of her energy, I learned that she is often a totem for one who is charting a course, of course, those v-shaped formations of migrating geese creating a pointed path.

I recall the instinct-injured goose at the edge of the manmade lake I encountered last spring, the one who no longer followed, or perhaps no longer heard, those instinctual calls to home but stayed in one domesticated place. No fierceness in her at all. Unafraid of me, she didn’t even chase me away from her nestful of eggplant sized eggs. Trust-misplaced.

I am reminded of my dream of a few weeks ago, the one where the flocks of geese couldn’t find their way, but kept circling and returning to the same starting point. In the end, fatigued and requiring my refuge in order to survive the harsh winter.

The leader of that flock was a girl, verging on womanhood, who reminds me of myself at her age. A young woman, who is intelligent, vibrant, creative, soulful. A young woman I admire. I wonder at her presence in my dream. This young representation of me who lost her instincts and her voice in that one tragic moment, which spiraled into so many successive tragedies, who is back at my door, needing me to offer safe harbor.

Will we make it through, find our way?

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