pondering gift

some rambling ponderings on Gift 

there is a wholeness to Gift that yearns to be embraced…a circle of completion, a cycle of becoming…She begs us see the whole of Her. 

what is Gift? is She a static object that we can collect and quantify, or is She fluid as She flows, as the ocean shifts, drawing sands into its depths and depositing them once again, creating contours that refuse to be mapped, rolling over as the day flows into night and back to day again. yet both day and night are contained within the same moment when viewed from afar. 

what is Gift? is She only to be given? or is She also to be received?  by being received, i do not mean being taken by the other, but being SEEN (received) bythe other as Gift. and does She then become Gift in the receiving? is She to be taken and used up? no, give and take is not the same as giving and receiving? for if i take what She offers without receiving Her, i see only half of Her, yes, somehow i cut her in half and so deplete Her energy. it is as if the vastness of Her Loving energy shifts over to one side and She is no longer able to flow and roll. But when i receive Her, my reception flows back as gift through the opening in me, and together we keep receiving and giving, revolving and evolving. 

i am not speaking here of giving back in order to recycle and refill as if there is a finite limit to Abundance. i do not see the yin and yang of giving in this way. the relationship is not one of receiving and giving back, for this type of visioning is based in fear that does not see Her goodness. 

yes. seeing goodness. this is the one necessary thing. when i choose to see goodness, then i receive, and She is received, within the same breath. there is no waiting. there is no order. there is no time. there is no filling pursued by lack. there is Oneness in our being, only the fullness of eternity. a mutuality of receiving where all is gift within each moment.

no, this is not the same as reciprocality of payback at all. when i choose to see and to receive Her goodness, there is no opening that She must find in order to be received, no physical barrier, no dividing line, no wall of judgment that declares ‘You are not gift as You come, You are not welcome here, keep Your gifts to Yourself’, causing Her ceaseless goodness to back up and once again shift the energy of Her Love over to one side where it cannot flow and roll. She appears to retreat, but it is we who choose not to see Her. we plead with Her to give. but this is like asking the rain to fall upon the parking lot as we lament that our landscape is no longer green. though she pours Herself upon us, we cannot take Her in because we have cut down all the trees, covered over our own soil with concrete. we cannot feel the goodness of the rain. in fact, we complain when it comes. 

what is Gift? She resides and hides within each moment, yet we are unwilling to open up our eyes and see Her, unwilling to receive Her…perhaps because She looks like the rain (for which we thirst) when we want only sunshine. likewise within each moment, we are also somehow gift, though we are taught to see only debt and lack because we do not experience ourselves, or our way of being gift, as acceptable of being received. we are not good enough. we do not look the right way. perhaps we do not always look like sunshine and that is all that the other can perceive and receive as gift, and so the walls arise, and the mutual flow of Love is blocked. tipped backwards on its side, the value of one gift is placed above the other so that one appears to be emptied as the other’s filled. but we, like She, are ceaseless in our overflowing gifts within each moment and true receiving from the other somehow only happens when we  likewise are received. 

by this i do not mean that the other receives what you are giving, but that the other sees that you are gift, for this is to be truly received. only then is there a sense of goodness from which gifts can flow. only then do we let down the false dividing walls and there a sense of wholeness to our being. we are neither lacking, nor are we drained. there is day and night. there is giving and receiving. one cannot exist without the other and both are present at the same moment within time. balanced. yin and yang. yang yearns for the gift so that it can do something. yin desires to be received so that it can be something. yang yearns for its fire, yin thirsts for its water. when yang acknowledges the gift yin is, yang receives the gift it craves and yin’s thirst is quenched.  

 Gift. ah, so You are not linear as i have been taught, You are a not giftf ollowed by gift followed by gift, merely shifting your shape as you go,transforming your energy from one form into the next as you travel through time, cycling and recycling.  rather, You exist entirely in all Your forms within this moment, and we are each receivers and givers of You at once. like You, we contain Your fullness (and your emptiness) deep within each moment, eternally giving and receiving, giver to and receiver of each other as we are here and now. there is no now and later. there is not one giving, the other receiving, but both giving and receiving You at once. no lack to be followed by abundance to be followed by overflowing. no draining to be filled. no indebtedness. for we are always full of You. there is no pay it forward in this place, because there is no forward here. for this belief is to miss Your Presence, giving and receiving in each breath.there is only the fullness of eternity, the fullness of You, present here and now, and all that You are is contained within the stillness of this moment. the vastness of eternity within this pinpoint of time. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: