hearing the greatest command–the next morning

Ok. This is harder than I thought, this leaving the door open….

 

I thought that you might come with sorrow or with fear. I knew that I could handle that. These are things that I know well. But you took me at my word, that you could come with all of you. So last night you came with beheadings….and I panicked. How do I hold that?

 

Oh, it was easy for me to hold your mourning and your grief for the tortured men, the women, families, nations, earth…. the intense outpouring of your agony o’er the suffering simply flowed from you right through my tortured heart. It was even easy for me to hold your mercy, your understanding and forgiveness for the ones who torture, as you poured your broken hopes for them into my lap, your extreme sorrow for their wounds into my arms.

 

But god, you asked me to hold the torture. You trusted me and exposed yourself right here, in all your ugliness and shame, all that has been vilified and scorned, condemned and dismembered from your being.  Oh god, oh god… the scar, the scar, no not a scar at all, still oozing as it was…so horrifyingly repulsive it nearly forced me into shock, and yet, I forced my head to turn and look at it with tenderness, to open up my arms and gather you in…

 

Oh god, if you are there again today, somehow in the torture, in the very act itself….i pray you feel the memory of my arms and know, oh god, please know, that you are loved.

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