safe arms


probing the deep

probing the deep

silent terror


in these deep waters

where you explore

with your instruments of Light

and the monster escapes

through the vulnerable passage

which was penetrated by your Love

rising, rising to the surface

to howl unrestrained

the ferocity of her pain

in a savage release

of untamed, unnamed torment 

which disturbs the ocean’s calm

with the turbulence of her fear


until the tempest

dissipates once again

into the ever growing, concentric circles

of your Loving arms

yet i now survey

this eerie tranquil sea

with apprehension

for i fear

where she has gone to hide



this precarious reality

where monsters loom

in bubbling pits of fire and fury

impatient to consume me

they surmount to terrorize

extremities of pain

treacherous walk

just above fear’s jagged edges

across a red and somber sky

ensanguined firmament

which offers no support

voltage laden atmosphere of light

i scream

into the fathomless abyss above me

a blood curdling howl

of echoeless despair

which no one hears

for i traverse on this thin rope



my soul

when it is quiet

is like this still smooth lake

reflecting the beauty of your Love


the image is marred

by something so subtle

as a leaf


from above

or the hunger

of something


from below


it is blurred by the murkiness

that lingers at the edges of my life

or by the play of light

upon the prism of my pain

yet if i remain

i become aware

that i cannot discern at all

where i begin

 and where you end

in the beginning

i had expected devastation

i had anticipated restoration

i had prepared for reclamation

i had envisioned rampant wreckage

i had forseen battered ruins

i had predicted violent destruction

but you have offered desolation

you have presented barren emptiness

and you have gifted me with nothingness

so i guess we will begin there

with the blessing

that only you

can create a universe from the void

real-ize vision in the invisible

or transform a speck of matter

with the energy of love

desolate garden

my god
i have grasped your hand
with instinctive
and with innocence
i clutched,
my hand enfolded
in the largeness of your
as i followed
through the thicket
of the undergrowth
along these unblazed trails

with a childlike
sense of discovery
in the paradise of peace
to which you led
a playground of love
and laughter
a garden of hope
and joy

and as the path
grew treacherous and rocky
and the waters rampant
i held onto your hand
as you lifted me
o’er pain’s precipice
and suspended me
above the rage

we have travelled
into the forest dark
where haunting, howling
songs of night
have made me curl
into your protective side
and now
as the morning light
filters through the remnants
of last evening’s fog
the path turns sharply
and suddenly
we have arrived
at the garden gate

your tremendous strength
heaves the massive stone
scarcely displacing it
yet inviting me
to take a peek inside
at the lushness of your promise
but, oh my god
i was not prepared
for this blinding atrocity of despair
which i now behold
as i let go of your hand
and slip through the crevice
at the entrance to my soul

my god, there is nothing here
but the starkness of abandonment
utter desolation
and sheer severity
of a soil raped and forsaken
long ago

i fall
sobbing, to my knees
and gather this dust
into my hands
and uphold it to the heavens
wailing my despair
as it rains its sand upon me
to be swept into the shrillness
of the whirlwinding
echoes of my screams

oh god,
where are you now
why have you led me here
to this plot of abandonment
oh my god,
my god,
how i keen for you
but it seems my moaning mourning
cannot penetrate
the coldness of this rock
and you are lost somewhere
on the other side


oh i am afraid

that i have fallen down the rabbit’s hole

to land in this peculiar land

where mad tea parties

celebrate insignificance

and confused prerogatives

vie for attention

with frantically scurrying time

i scream for them

to listen

but they think i am the crazy one

for challenging the queen of hearts’

egotistic order

in her house of cards

they look right through me

with their bewildered gaze

and call me by another name

yet still i know

this is not real

this fantasy called life

and though i try

to delight

in this absurd whimsicality

it is mere nonsense to remain

when my soul yearns so

to awaken

and be back home again

hopeless irrigation

oh god,
can’t you see
that their artificial irrigation
only temporarily suspends
though they pour pure water
day after day upon me
it scarcely penetrates the surface
it can never reach
these subterranean depths of pain
where the ground water
is so lethal
that i am permanently

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