saturday night ramblings

 

I have played the scene out

and there is nothing but pain in the end

after the fleeting moments of bliss

comes the destruction of souls

I bring nothing but devastation

and leave a path of death in my wake

Why God, have you cursed me like this

Why can there be only pain whenever I am touched.

God, you have given me this body

put me here in this human form

and left me here alone

 

i have been beaten and betrayed

while you sat doing nothing

and now i cry out to you

and the pain drips onto this page

it pours out of my soul like blood

from a deep and jagged wound

while they sleep

oblivious to my need

 

are you sleeping too God?

why have you abandoned me here

i cry out to you but you deny me

for i am still

alone

alone with this pain

alone with this knowledge of evil,

it hurts

it hurts,

it hurts oh dear god, it hurts

and i don’t know what to do with this pain

with this aching loneliness.

please

send someone to touch me

please

send someone to touch me

please

send someone to touch me

for you have created me like this

given me this human form

i am warm and alive

no ethereal holy vision to be worshipped

from afar

i am merely a woman with a woman’s need

for touch

oh this longing is too deep for words

where is it coming from

it feels so physical

yet it is deep within my soul

an aching need that i cannot explain

a need to make your love for me feel real

body/soul we are one

the aching of one being God, please

send someone to touch me

please send someone to heal me

to heal me with their hands

to honor me with their touch

a touch that is soft and tender

not violent and painful

someone to hold me while i cry

to gaze into my eyes

and see into my soul

let me see Your Love for me

make your Love for me real

someone to marvel in the embodiment

of my soul

to tell me of my beauty

with their hands

someone to show me Yours

to wrap themselves around me

so i can sleep at last

so i can have peace at last

but there is no one here for me

and my imagination is not good enough

i can close my eyes and try to feel your presence

i can hear your words to me but i cannot make it physical

and though i am a spiritual being

i am physical as well

blood

runs through this flesh

i long for a loving touch God, why

would you give me this need for touch a

nd then hurt me with it

is that how you cherished me?

is that what you thought of me?

if this need for human touch

this yearning for intimacy

is really a yearning to know you

if touch is an expression of Divine Love

a physical way to Know you

then my Knowledge of you is painful

and i don’t want

to Know you.

why god why

why

why

why did you hurt me so

let me hang to suffer and die

and crucify my soul

why god

why

why

why did you

abandon me
 

 

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: very early healing pieces « Emmaatlast’s Weblog

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M.C. Reardon

photographer~painter~poet

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