psalm 91

Oh god

My god

I understand

you aren’t the one who hurt me.

I understand

that you were hurting too.

But help me understand

your promises to me.

 

You said you would protect me,

that you would spread your wings o’er me

that you would keep me safe,

that I would not be harmed.

 

Isn’t that what you said?

Are you a God

who keeps your promises?

Are you a God that I can trust?

 

I know that you have rescued me,

I have felt your saving power

and I know that now you honor me.

 

but what took you so long.

And why,

oh why,

when i loved you so.

 

was it me who turned my back from you

i just don’t remember it that way

i remember loving you

till the child died in my womb

 

I just don’t understand,

help me understand

are they all lies

that are written here

 

when i look into this book

i find words that hurt me

i find words that betray

i find broken promises

words that aren’t for me

 

 

am i not good enough for your book

am i unworthy of its pages

 

i want to rip them one by one

and tear this pain out of my heart

for i am hurting

and i turn to you for comfort

but there is none for me

 

i want to hurl this book across this room

and stomp upon its pages

but i can’t

for i love you

still i love you

always i love you

 

and i know you aren’t the one who hurt me

and i know that you were hurting too.

 

oh god

my god

come hold me in your arms

tell me that you’re sorry

that it happened to me

tell me that you love me

still you love me

always you love me

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: very early healing pieces « Emmaatlast’s Weblog

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M.C. Reardon

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