i am
1.
I am
at my depths unknowable
as You
I am
mystery ineffable
un-capture-able, un-name-able
un-know-able
All of this striving
to be seen, be heard, be known
(preposterous quest!)
has led me at last
to this truth.
I cannot be known
as You
cannot be
I cannot be communicated
in word
nor even thought of who
I am
I am no thing
and yet
I am
And in this place,
which i have perhaps feared for far too long
I am alone
complete – ly Alone
Yet here
in this dark space
this pregnant pinpoint, vast
and prior to
I am
Somehow known
by You, Alone
beyond words
beyond thoughts
beyond even form
I am
I am
I am
2.
Stripped of all that I think
I am
of all the ways that I express
I am
of all the clothes I wear
I am
naked, and I am
my Self
wearing no thing at all
but You
3.
In this virgin space
uncluttered by definition
uncluttered by desire
for men to penetrate my sacred depths
and join me
In this virgin space
hidden in the dark
unseeable, untouchable,
unknowable
I am
Yours Alone.
How can this darkness be filled with light?
How can aloneness feel so close?
You invite me to this holy space
to be alone with you, Alone
5.
Here we are One
it is not being ‘alone with the Alone’
as they say
It is One Alone
my self – pre form and de- finition
pre word and even thought
beneath all these ways that I
so incompletely and so failingly
express my self
Yourself – likewise prior to
Beneath
Complete
One
Pure Being
One, undifferentiated and unknown
You Alone know the whole of me
for here in this space
there is not a ‘being with’
there is simply Being
One are We
and so
I am
known by You
because You are me
and there is no need at all
6.
This virgin space
empty and full at once
dark and yet blindingly bright
a pinpoint, infinity
full of potential
yet un real ized
Purely
What it is
unexpressed and unbroken
undifferentiated Being
Unknown
Alone
One
7.
How is it that we travel so far from this space
and yet carry it within us
flowing forth
exploding into time
within each moment
we become
and we carry
Being into form
seeking to express the inexpressible
making known
some portion of Unknown
a moment of Eternity
while the Eternal rests in perfect stillness
Whole
and deep within
flowing, flowing into form
losing nothing of Itself
remaining pure
as It receives this pouring back
of time into Its depths
8.
I wonder
Are you somehow changed by me, or
Am I
So that you can be?
Am I
To be known by You?
so that You can know Yourself or
Am I
Be coming….
Sep 26, 2009 @ 15:01:00
wow, for me this truly shows that bouncing between that which knows with no words the truth of our be ingness and the mind desperately wanting to express, wanting to understand and share the understanding. i see how the mind in me actually takes me away from that which it wishes to know and can’t ever really know.
i also was touched deeply by the being with another and the expression. i re-experienced the being with nadia and as i read i recalled that in the being all that was was silent, peace and joy filled being. it was that second when my mind came and the alone came in as even an issue at all. just as when i was not, there was no issue of my notness (?word?) only once my mind jumped in and wanted to understand and see from its view point. this is when aloneness became more defined.
i found myself remembering my journey and how this all has been some pivital part in it. i find it interesting to see my growth and change and how i have gotten to this place of surrender. i had only what my parents defined and that was a less than human, an isolated and tortured being. i had what i defined, a being that was right but really was afraid of being wrong. i grew to know a being beyond the dualities, a being that just is, and now? a being that is not. what an interesting and adventurous process this has been. i am still watching the process of how this being that i am and others are one and one. this to has been involved deeply in my process. how can all be one and a being in anguish be left so totally physically alone? i can see the signs that tell me that there is yet a wound to be healed. i find it interesting that i experience this though. is it that i see no value of going off into nirvana, knowing there is pain in this world and wanting others to touch deeply that which they are. i recall feeling a choice. perhaps this wounding needs to be healed that i let go and yet keep my foot here that i can be whatever can give a support to others on their paths. perhaps to stay in the state that i touched i need to experience something with others that i have missed. i do not know. i am not in control, i haven’t been in some time, i only in moments do a little pretending and then i remember again.
lol, i did just go flowing down a branch of the river there didn’t i.
vicki, that is one thing that i have been noticing. i remind myself of my own path of what the truths needed to be heard are. thanks for giving me another opportunity to remember, to be.
i have found that it is an easier path to myself in some manners than in how that self is interconnected and interdependant with the other human beings that are in vastly different places. i do not know if having another directly in my life would make things better (as the wounded would have it) or that it would have made the path to the being that i am harder. i suspect as all things it would be a mixed bag.
i have had this inner vision that has been repeating often. i have my arms spread wide open, i feel the openness in my chest and my head is tilted back as though i look to the sky, yet my eyes are closed. i then fall back with no assuredness that anything will catch me, i could fall to my death, into an everlasting darkness, i could be caught, i could have peace unending. all is possible. yet, it is the only thing left to me. there is no analysing of me left, no struggle with this being, not lies unseen. if words are left at all for me to use, i will let you know how the fall comes. be aware though you may not hear for many years what the outcome is if ever.
ai, beth